I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
