i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
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Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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