Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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