i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
