Sry I called you an 8
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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