hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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