also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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