WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
