this beer tastes like vomit already
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
