When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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