it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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