and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
