hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
