Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
