Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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