I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
