i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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