i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
