i cant cry in cvs. not again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So vagazzling was a success
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
