i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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