I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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