I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
