I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
