I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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