If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
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I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
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Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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