I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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