im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
