her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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