Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
