She went from zero to smokin in five shots
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
