You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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