Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
