no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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