I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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