I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
this boner is exhausting
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Is it penis luge time yet?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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