Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
