We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
