who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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