I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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