If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Porn is love you can see.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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