If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
