You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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