I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My bed smells like the plague
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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