the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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