if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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