eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
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Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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