Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
