i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
