Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
