We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
