Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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