I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
