Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
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she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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