Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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