never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
