last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
