even my farts smell like vagina
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
