The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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