I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
