I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
