If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
