Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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