We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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