Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
