I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
No subtext here. People are naked.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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