dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
